Tuesday, April 5, 2016

My Name Is Debi And I'm A Telephoniphobic


I'm not quite sure why I'm now like this. I never use to be. I remember when years ago, I could talk on the phone for hours and at times, even hated to hang up. All I know is that when my cell phone rings now, the anxiety begins.

Unless I'm at work, I will always answer, but most times with complete and utter trepidation. Sometimes it's because if it's a late night call and I think the worst has happened to one of my kids. Other times I just don't want the unbidden demand for my undivided attention and dread how I will be able to escape a full fledged conversation, so I can get back to watching Grey's Anatomy. I know that sounds bad, but tell me you haven't felt that way at times.

And it isn't just when receiving calls. Making a phone call can be like pulling teeth. Example #1: All I have to do to pay my rent is call the bank and say "I would like to transfer money into my landlords' account". But it never fails that I wait four whole days before making the call. Every month - the same thing. Example #2: Walmart was out of Lavash bread on my last visit and I don't want to drive all the way across town if they still don't have any. Do I call ahead to save the trip? No. I make the drive anyway. It's crazy!

I've thought long and hard about this and once, had written down the different circumstance in which I may get a phone call - or would have to make a call, and then tried to figure out why the act is such a chore. That didn't really work; there were just too many scenarios and instances to consider. but in making that list, I was able to figure out what each had in common.  The answer? They were all awkward. Here's why ...

Part of it is the element of (cue eerie music) "The Unknown".
1. How will I end the conversation when I need to? There's a huge amount of guilt associated with trying to end a conversation and even more so, when the person you're talking to segues into a brand new topic.
2. What if we run out of the things to say? This brings on the dreaded "dead air" that causes sweating and a rapid heartbeat.
3. When should I switch from being a good listener, to talking about what's happening with me? Does one ever really recognize the cue?

Then there's those other awkward moments that make me realize why texting or messaging is so popular:
4. Talking over one another. This happens a lot when having a cell phone conversation; I think because of the delay *shrugs shoulders* I dunno.
5. Burping or other bodily functions, in the middle of the conversation. (hush, it can happen)
6. Not having the time to think, before you speak. This can get you anything from having to pick a drunk friend up from the bar at one in the morning, to babysitting a toddler. (cringes).

With making calls it's a bit different and can be even worse. Here you have a complete stranger on the other end and typically, you're trying to make them understand what you want or need. YOU know why you've called, but THEY haven't a clue until you finally spit it out. The guilt factor also comes into play here because at least for myself, I tend to feel bad that I have to cause them to stop whatever they were doing and to focus on ME. Yeah, I know it's their job to do so, but what if they were doing something as important as ... catching up with a co-worker about the date they had last night? Well I can't know that, can I? since I can't talk to them in person!
And they have no idea that I'm a sweaty mess in the middle of shopping for the ingredients to make my Mexican lasagna and need some damn Lavash bread! Yes, the Lavash bread again, I know. But here's an example from yesterday:
I'm in Kroger's and it's now my turn at the self checkout kiosk when Walmart finally transfers me to the bakery, instead of cosmetics - for the third time. Frustrated because I now have to talk on the phone and check my groceries at the same time, I ask "Did you get any Lavash bread in yet?" At that same moment the mechanical voice on the kiosk says "Welcome Kroger customer! Pleas scan ..." ... well now I have TWO people talking to me at the same time and have no idea what the Walmart employee has just said. So I repeat "what I'm needing to know is, did you get any Lavash bread in yet?" I cringe because immediately after the words came out of my mouth, I realized that I sounded bitchy and even more quickly, I discover that I must have pushed the bakery clerks HULK button because she comes back with "look, I told you yesterday we don't have any and I have no clue when we will, OKAY? Try looking at Kroger's since you're obviously there".
Well now I'm so shook up that I've scanned my tortilla chips twice and I'm chucking stuff in the bag that I haven't even scanned yet which of course, prompts the "Please wait while an associate is comes to assist you" dialog which then causes the Walmart employee (who's probably rolling her eyes at this point but I don't know this, because I CAN'T SEE HER) to say "Is that it? Good. Okay, bye!" as she hangs up on me. Ugh.

Now, none of this means I'm not sociable. I LOVE talking to people and always appreciate when a friend thinks enough of me to give me a call. I think It's all just a nervous response to the pressure to not want to sound stupid at times or not interested at other times, that I obviously want to avoid. And it's not always like this; some calls, especially if I am very close to the person, can be stress free.
I guess It's something that I just need to work on.













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Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Getting Back To It


Eleven years ago I started blogging as a form of therapy. I had just moved here to Missouri and knew no one, I mean NO ONE and more importantly, no one like me.
An L.A. to Las Vegas girl, all of a sudden plopped down in the heart of the Midwest? Yeah, you get the picture. So I started a blog to let my frustrations out. 

For the first few years it was a huge part of my life. I had made blogger friends - a few of which are still part of my life, and we shared blogger activities that I surely miss. Man-o-man, those were the days. 

But then things changed *heavy sigh* and I had to move with it. Blogger took a back burner to things like my full time job, side projects (graphic work, web page design and Tshirt making, to name a few) and even yes, Facebook until eventually, my posts and my desire to post became few and far between. 

But life is more comfortable now. The need to have ten things going at the same time isn't an issue any more and I think now, I can kick back in this chair and spew my thoughts and experiences all over the pages again, like I use to. 

So here we go. It took eleven years but I have come full circle :)













Monday, March 28, 2016

Misunderstandings

  So, Sunday afternoon I went to a small town cafe for the Buffet. It was pretty packed since it's Easter, so I knew seating could be a problem. But once inside, a waitress came forward to seat me right away.
  Cool! I thought. I don't have to wait! But then she walks me past a couple of empty tables to a dining area located in a third room, in the back of the cafe. In this very small room which had no window, was a family of 8 dining at a long table. About a foot behind one of the patrons was a tiny table and chair, where I was to sit.
  It didn't take long for me to feel really uncomfortable. I was practically seated at the same table with total strangers who all went dead silent, when I sat down. It was extremely awkward, to say the least. After the waitress left I noticed that if I were to take my coat off, I would literally clock the guy next to me in the back of the head. Yes, we were that close.
  So as I was contemplating how to get out of my coat without causing bodily harm to a stranger, the child in the group let out a blood curdling scream. The adults then turned up the volume on their conversation, to drown him out, I suppose, but soon it became maddening. Here I was, listening to private conversations while the child was having a total melt down.
  No way. I could not enjoy a meal like this.
So I got up and went walking through the cafe until I found an empty table, in the regular dining area. One which I have no idea why I wasn't seated at, to begin with.
  Just as I was digging in to my chicken breast, the family from the tiny room began to walk by to leave. If looks could kill, I would have choked on my chicken and collapsed right there.
  The last one in the family procession was an elderly woman who stopped at my table. She looked me in the eyes and said " Sorry you didn't want to eat with us. My great grandson has down syndrome and can't control his tantrums. We choose to ignore it but obviously, you couldn't".  Then she walked away.
  Well thanks for the guilt trip lady, I thought. I had no idea the child had DS; I never made eye contact with any of them and the child was not the main reason I left the room to find another table.
  So I ate my meal wishing the whole time, that I could explain to those people that I actually felt like I was encroaching on a private family gathering. Ugh.
  I wish people would take the time to see the bigger picture, before labling someone as insensitive.