Yes, this is what defeat looks like.

When the first piece of mail arrived just before my 50th Bday 3 years ago from AARP, I didn’t give a second thought to throwing it in the garbage. Surely they had made some sort of mistake because thanks to my tri-monthly bottle of Loreal, my hair had been nowhere NEAR gray enough to get this kind of mail not to mention, how did they know I was about to turn 50? Hmmmm ... But I guess the spies from AARP saw me do this and before I knew it, there was correspondence arriving first monthly, then weekly and even started appearing in my email inbox!

Angry, I decide to go to the site to see what they had to offer. I scanned a few pages but still didn't see anything that applied TO ME nor that impressed me, other than a free tote bag for enrolling with the letters AARP emblazoned on the front to carry proudly and tell the world "Yes! I am 50 or older and I want my senior discount!".

Well later on, I decided to get back online to surf the usual stuff that a YOUNG woman of 50 surfs; skin care, exercises for back pain, The Mayo Clinic ... (???) and I noticed everywhere I went online was displaying a Google Ad for AARP. Okay, now I’m really getting pissed. NOW they have taken over my web browsing! I had to clear my browsing history, cookies and temporary files to get rid of the AARP ads being displayed wherever I went online. By now, I’m so upset I can hardly contain myself. AT THIS POINT, I WOULD NOT HAVE JOINED AARP EVEN IF GOD HIMSELF HAD TOLD ME TOO.”

It's bad enough that I can SEE myself aging. The wrinkles, the drooping, the aches and pains ... and as a self diagnosed manifestationchondriac (this is different than a hypochondriac in that I don’t always think I’m sick but if someone told me I looked like I had cancer, I’d have it by the end of the day) I dunno ... I suppose I was worried that once I opened an envelope from AARP that I might become one of them. Sort of like those pods under the bed in The Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

Perhaps they could have started with making turning 50 a little more ... fun? Like offering free birthday cards for your FRIENDS who are over 50; they could say, “You’re really OLD!” and then when you open it up, it would say, “I’m still not there yet but YOU certainly are ... in a big ass way! Consider joining AARP!” (haha!) OR they could have offered membership cards with our names pre-printed on them but give us the option of uploading a Glamour Shot of ourselves for the card that would read, “This is what old looks like on me, bitches!”

But no. Nothing that amusing. So after 3 years of harassment BUT finding I can get $1.20 off at Pizza Inn ... a monthly news letter, the AARP magazine AND the coveted tote bag, I finally gave in. At (soon to be) 53, I am official ...

Pancake Perry visits my work.

I got this idea from my friend Misty and had a lot of fun with it. Now I'm

thinking we can go on OTHER adventures! Yeah ... maybe I'll take him

on my vacation to Alabama! He would LOVE hanging out with my sisters!

Anyhow, Perry had a blast that day at my work, as you can tell :)

Just look at the excitement on his face!
Typical guy, goes right for the sheep!

Hanging out with Elmer (bad influence I must say, we'll have to stop this!)

Playing "Where's Waldo" Perry style.

Hide and seek on the boot wall.

Again, typical guy, here ...

He was checking his email here while I did my thing ...

He wants to be a cowboy now! Ugh ...

I think lunch was on his mind at this point ...

Getting his rap on with a string tag woman! ...

Making friends in the toy section!

Goofing off with Chrissy ...

Hanging with the birds ...

Getting brushed up on Redneck Humor ...

Nobody here but us chickens! haha.

Ooooh, he found him a ride!

Hanging with Brady at the sidewalk sale ...

Time to clock out! We were BOTH excited!

MySpace Deja vu

Just saying, I really am SO annoyed with the silly animal pics with word bubbles and all the other overly passed around: causes, dumb humor, sarcastic, religious and motivational graphics I have to weed thru on Facebook. ENOUGH ALREADY! It's like MySpace all over again. Can't people just talk for themselves? Can't they see that those copy and past memes are just a reflection of driven herd behavior and unoriginality? Is it really easier to post a graphic with witty humor written by a stranger than to say something real about you and your day? Or to share a link to something INTERESTING you found on the web? Or to share a photo YOU took? Where is the uniqueness I ask you?

Do-It-Yourself Weekend

So I splurged on myself this weekend and bought myself

The Kindle Fire. Love it! But after all of the setup and the

"getting-to-know" my Fire, I realized that I neglected to

also buy a cover for it. Why does one need a cover, you

might ask? Well, a cover allows you to hold it while you're

reading, with more ease. More like when you are holding

an actual book. Some, also allow you to prop your Kindle

for when you're watching a movie.

But alas I forgot, and had to order one online (Walmart was

out, go figure since that's where I bought the Fire from).

So, I had to improvise until it gets here. In true MacGuyver

fashion (MacGuyver: A TV series revolving around Angus

MacGuyver, who's main asset was his practical application

of knowledge and inventive use of common everyday items.)

I decided to rig something up until the real one gets here.

Here's what I came up with. I grabbed one of my old books ...

I chose this one because I like the skull and crossbones on

the cover, lol.

Then I gutted it with my trusty exacto knife. Well, only up

to page 92. The rest were safe! haha. HINT: If you ever

try this yourself, glue the pages together FIRST or else,

you'll have 92 dangly pieces to glue afterwards, TWICE and

trust me, this is no fun BUT ...

Tada! My Kindle Fire now has a temporary home!

Now the NEXT thing I noticed was that I needed a stylus,

too. Why, you ask? Well I will tell you! While on Facebook,

I noticed that it was hard to type into the keypad without

goofing it all up. So I looked online for one but was amazed

at the prices! $16.00 for a fake pen? No way!

So I went searching the apt. for a pen that I could transform

into a stylus. A pen? A REAL writing instrument? Do I even

HAVE such a primitive item? Lol. Lo and behold, I found one!

And it was metal too which was perfect since a stylus needs to

conduct electricity from your body. Good job Debi! haha.

Next, I grabbed a chunk off of my my kitchen sponge. Yes, a

sponge because to carry the electricity, you need something

that can get wet. I then shoved it into the tip of the gutted pen.

TADA x 2! I have a homemade stylus, for FREE! No more

typing errors!

And since I HATE to throw anything away that even remotely

looks like it can be transformed into something else; remember

that cardboard packaging that the stylus is setting on in the

above photo? Well that was part of the inside of the box that

the Fire came in. I flipped it over and Voila! I now have a

trusty hands free movie stand!

Yep. MacGuyver would be so proud of me right now, Lol.

You're not sick; just misinformed.

Did you know that the United States is the only country that

allows those ridiculous drug ads that you see on television?

Well it's true and it's up to Americans to not fall for the crap

that they try to push and to not become brainwashed into

thinking you have a condition that plain old exercise, proper

hygiene, diet and positive thinking can't remedy.

The human body is not perfect even though we want it to be.

Yet, the minute somebody puts a big time medical term to

something that's a totally natural occurrence for the human

body, Americans jump on it; They want to OWN it.

I'm noticing that people actually enjoy defining themselves by

the common ailments they experience. They'll bring it up un-

expectantly in the middle of a perfectly benign conversation;

Sheila: "So how was your trip to Disneyland?" Donna: "Oh,

it was okay. The boys ALL have ADHD so it was hard to keep

them under control, and me, with my Fibromyalgia; well that

made it hard to crawl in and out of all those tiny rides! Plus the

weather wasn't so great. It was cloudy so that aggravated my

chronic depression and all the walking was difficult because of

my bloating and cramps due to my Pre- Menstrual Disorder."

Otherwise, we had a good time" ...

*Rolling eyes* Could it ever occur to Donna that the boys were just

excited to be at Disneyland? That the older you get, the more

difficult it is to get in and out of small places over and over again?

That everybody gets the blues now and then and news flash! All

women get their period at some point?! Hello???

Don't let pharmaceutical companies tell you you're sick. Tell

YOURSELF that you need to get healthy and get your mind right.

You don't always need a pill to do that for you or a "condition" to

define yourself.

Lunch time ... in winter???

Okay, this is TRULY freaky, but I love it! Typically here in

Missouri we'd be knee deep in snow and ice about this time

and usually in January, I've already slipped into a massive cold

inducing depression that turns me into the biggest baby you've

ever seen; wearing 3-4 layers of clothes and even donning a

hat and gloves just to sit at the computer. But not this year!

So far, we've had one night of snow that barely amounted to

anything and up until now, nothing but sunshine! Yay me!

Oh, I know the snow will rear it's ugly head, sooner or later.

But for now, I'm am SO loving this.

Dog Day Afternoon

Only in Missouri ...

So I'm walking out of Walmart today and as I'm looking

for my car, I come across this:

We've all seen dogs that were left to sit in the car before.

Typically, they're bouncing all over the place like Ricochet

Rabbit; having an anxiety attack and barking for absolutely

no good reason. They're the one's you just have to go up to

and taunt because you know they can't get out and do

anything to you, lol.

But this guy looked like he was quite use to waiting on his

owner ...

I noticed after taking the first photo, that he wasn't a bit

shaken by a stranger, so that's when I went around the side

of the car to get him to respond. But nothing. That dog was

dead serious about either protecting that car or practicing

to be a palace guard, lol. All he would do was look straight

ahead and drool from the corner of his mouth.

Then came the clincher. Just as I snapped these photos

the owner walked up and said "No, you are NOT driving

this time!". 'Nuff said.

Photo A Day: To pee or not to pee ...

Out and about yesterday, I discovered that I could no

longer shop until I took a quick moment to visit the

bathroom. The only problem was that I was in Krogers

market, at the time. Oh sure, they have restrooms that are

used by the employees as well as the customers but getting
TO them is the part that bothers me.

First off, they're located behind those 2 big scary doors that

you always see in the meat department. You know the one's.

There's usually a HUGE scary guy in a white outfit walking

in and out of them ... blood all over him with a meat cleaver

in his hand. Kinda gives you that same sense of security as

you had while watching the movie "Midnight Meat Train" ...

Anyhow, once beyond those doors the first thing you see up

ahead is the sign "RESTROOMS" giving you a false sense

of hope because as you begin to get your bearings and start

looking around, you realize you are in the perfect setting to

to be the next "scream queen" of a Wes Craven movie.

BUT alas, you have to go ... you lock your eyes on the stairs

located just below the sign ... can you make it before the mad

butcher notices you're there? The next moments will tell ...

So off I sprint to the staircase and scurry down while

continually looking over my shoulder for "The Butcher Man".

I see the sign "Women's" and rush in, locking the door quickly

behind me. I go into the stall for a moment of relaxation before

I have to plan my escape and as I reach for the toilet paper ...

*GULP* ... This is NOT a good sign, at all. A victim before

me ... their final plea for HELP. I hope they made it ...

I consider making a "Blair Witch" type of video as I sat

there wondering what to do next. At least then, friends and

family wouldn't have to wonder why I went missing as I sit

wrapped so nicely in the meat section with a sticker that

reads "$2.69 per lb".

But I quickly ditch that idea with a sudden energy and will,

to SURVIVE! I can live thru this! I gathered my new found

guts (before the butcher could) and ran like the wind!

I burst through the doors into the unknowing faces of happy,

unaware customers as they scrutinize packages of ground

beef. If only they knew ... that could have been ME in there.

Photo A Day: The one that got away.

Yes folks, this is what it looks like to have your heart

broken ...

I decided to make a devils food cake with Dulce De Leche

frosting and I was SO excited about it, too. If you know what

Dulce De Leche is, then you know it literally takes HOURS to

make from scratch. 3-1/2 hours to be exact, not counting

the time it takes to add the other ingredients that turn it into

a frosting. Then, there's the cake to bake. All toll it took me

5-1/2 hours and then ...

Well, being the neat freak that I am I decided to wash the

bowls and utensils I used while the cake was cooling. When

all was done and as my final act before frosting my delicious

creation, and sitting here devouring it with a tall glass of milk;

I went to put the mixer back in it's place, setting

the cooling cake in the window sill. Uh, no ... not quite.

In my hurry I DROPPED the entire cake on the floor.

yes, I admit ... I had visions of scraping it all up and pressing

it back into the cake dish, lol. But good sense won, so I now

have this HUGE bowl of Dulce De Leche frosting with nothing

to spread it on. How wrong would it be to just grab a spoon ...

A photo a day

So, I've decided to start this adventure called "A photo a day" where I snap a pic of whatever trips my trigger ... every day ... even when I don't really feel like it, so nudge me if you notice that I miss a day.

I've also decided to start blogging my twisted thoughts again hence,

why you now see me here all of a sudden. Yay? Lol.

ANYHOW ... today's photo is of "Kitty". She (how I choose to see this cat since it would probably scratch my eyeballs out if I tried to confirm it's gender) is the last survivor of about 7 strays that were born to the great outdoors (the empty lot across from my apt.) over a year ago.

Because she has managed to fend off tedious raccoon attacks and the romantic advances from our neighborhood opossum, (and now sits under the car every morning waiting for me) I have decided to become her personal trainer ... kinda like "Mick" from the Rocky movies, and feed her everyday, to keep her strength up.

She still won't get much closer than 5 feet from me, but I will win her over eventually, I'm sure.