I played "Complete the sentance" Haha!

1) My uncle once: ... declared his name was "Wolf" and howled for 20 minutes in front of a convenience store. (He later checked into a clinic).

2) Never again in my life: ... will I date a guy who says "but I don't do that any more".

3) When I was five: ... I hated Santa Clause. I didn't trust a guy who had to wait until I was asleep to give me pleasure.

4) High School was: ... only 2 blocks from the mall!

5) I will never forget: ... the phone number we had when I was a child. Why? When I can't even remember my work number? ... I have no clue.

6) I once met: ... a man from nantuckit ...

7) Once, at a bar: ... I got threatened by a group of bikers for playing "Love Hurts" over 10 times in a row.

8) Next time I go to church: ... I won't sit next to the lady with 4 kids who all have colds and can't seem to sit still for one minute and giggle every time the pastor says the word "hell".

9) You know I'm lying when: ... I say "ok, ok, I can't freaking lie damnit! ..."

10) A better name for me would be: Lucy Ricardo

11) If I ever go back to school I'll: ... become a butt doctor.

12) You know I like you if: ... I don't roll my eyes 5 minutes into our conversation.

13) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferarro are: ... not part of my everyday volcabulary. Ok, well maybe Darwin but ...

14) My ideal breakfast is: ... one cooked by Denny's!

15) If you spend the night at my house, DO: ... the dishes, vacumm, the laundry ...

16) The world could do without: ... stupid stuff that hangs from your rear view mirror.

17) I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: ... be forced to converse with a crack head.

18) Paperclips are more useful than: ... any weapon imaginable if used with a rubber band.

I think way too much ...

I got this email tonight in my inbox ... obviously not caught by my bulk mail folder probably because the subject line went like this: Heya Goobrgrl what's up? The email was as follows:

Hey you! nice talking to you the other day!
here's that site I was telling you about. I got some of these for myself cause they were on sale, you should check out the site! This is so cool. They are offering huge discounts now on Penis Enhancment Patches!
I know like 10 guys dude who have already stocked up on these. Goobrgrl! Don't be left behind!

Now why in the hell would they spam a name like "GoobrgGRL" with something pertaining to males? What buttmunches! lol.

But it got my mind to wandering ... as it often does ... what if I did have a penis? I certainly wouldn't need a patch for it!
Not my penis! I would have a huge manly penis I would ... a big-assed 9 incher with burly inch deep ridges that looked like goodyear tire tread, and veins that pulsated constantly like a discoteque strobe light!
And it would have a name ... branded into the side of it to show it's great power. HURK! yes! ... Hurk! That would be it's name!
Women would shriek at the site of it! *eeek!" (sound effects) ... men would bow humbley in it's presence ...
Ahh ... if only to have one for a day ... I would put it in everything. Miracle Whip, strawberry jam, even peanut butter! I would whip it out smugly, slapping it down on the coffee table with a thunderous crash when company came over just to watch them gasp in amazement.
Penis patch! Pfffttt! "We don' nee' no steenking penis patch!".