My Name Is Debi And I'm A Telephoniphobic

I'm not quite sure why I'm now like this. I never use to be. I remember when years ago, I could talk on the phone for hours and at times, even hated to hang up. All I know is that when my cell phone rings now, the anxiety begins.

Unless I'm at work, I will always answer, but most times with complete and utter trepidation. Sometimes it's because if it's a late night call and I think the worst has happened to one of my kids. Other times I just don't want the unbidden demand for my undivided attention and dread how I will be able to escape a full fledged conversation, so I can get back to watching Grey's Anatomy. I know that sounds bad, but tell me you haven't felt that way at times.

And it isn't just when receiving calls. Making a phone call can be like pulling teeth. Example #1: All I have to do to pay my rent is call the bank and say "I would like to transfer money into my landlords' account". But it never fails that I wait four whole days before making the call. Every month - the same thing. Example #2: Walmart was out of Lavash bread on my last visit and I don't want to drive all the way across town if they still don't have any. Do I call ahead to save the trip? No. I make the drive anyway. It's crazy!

I've thought long and hard about this and once, had written down the different circumstance in which I may get a phone call - or would have to make a call, and then tried to figure out why the act is such a chore. That didn't really work; there were just too many scenarios and instances to consider. but in making that list, I was able to figure out what each had in common.  The answer? They were all awkward. Here's why ...

Part of it is the element of (cue eerie music) "The Unknown".
1. How will I end the conversation when I need to? There's a huge amount of guilt associated with trying to end a conversation and even more so, when the person you're talking to segues into a brand new topic.
2. What if we run out of the things to say? This brings on the dreaded "dead air" that causes sweating and a rapid heartbeat.
3. When should I switch from being a good listener, to talking about what's happening with me? Does one ever really recognize the cue?

Then there's those other awkward moments that make me realize why texting or messaging is so popular:
4. Talking over one another. This happens a lot when having a cell phone conversation; I think because of the delay *shrugs shoulders* I dunno.
5. Burping or other bodily functions, in the middle of the conversation. (hush, it can happen)
6. Not having the time to think, before you speak. This can get you anything from having to pick a drunk friend up from the bar at one in the morning, to babysitting a toddler. (cringes).

With making calls it's a bit different and can be even worse. Here you have a complete stranger on the other end and typically, you're trying to make them understand what you want or need. YOU know why you've called, but THEY haven't a clue until you finally spit it out. The guilt factor also comes into play here because at least for myself, I tend to feel bad that I have to cause them to stop whatever they were doing and to focus on ME. Yeah, I know it's their job to do so, but what if they were doing something as important as ... catching up with a co-worker about the date they had last night? Well I can't know that, can I? since I can't talk to them in person!
And they have no idea that I'm a sweaty mess in the middle of shopping for the ingredients to make my Mexican lasagna and need some damn Lavash bread! Yes, the Lavash bread again, I know. But here's an example from yesterday:
I'm in Kroger's and it's now my turn at the self checkout kiosk when Walmart finally transfers me to the bakery, instead of cosmetics - for the third time. Frustrated because I now have to talk on the phone and check my groceries at the same time, I ask "Did you get any Lavash bread in yet?" At that same moment the mechanical voice on the kiosk says "Welcome Kroger customer! Pleas scan ..." ... well now I have TWO people talking to me at the same time and have no idea what the Walmart employee has just said. So I repeat "what I'm needing to know is, did you get any Lavash bread in yet?" I cringe because immediately after the words came out of my mouth, I realized that I sounded bitchy and even more quickly, I discover that I must have pushed the bakery clerks HULK button because she comes back with "look, I told you yesterday we don't have any and I have no clue when we will, OKAY? Try looking at Kroger's since you're obviously there".
Well now I'm so shook up that I've scanned my tortilla chips twice and I'm chucking stuff in the bag that I haven't even scanned yet which of course, prompts the "Please wait while an associate is comes to assist you" dialog which then causes the Walmart employee (who's probably rolling her eyes at this point but I don't know this, because I CAN'T SEE HER) to say "Is that it? Good. Okay, bye!" as she hangs up on me. Ugh.

Now, none of this means I'm not sociable. I LOVE talking to people and always appreciate when a friend thinks enough of me to give me a call. I think It's all just a nervous response to the pressure to not want to sound stupid at times or not interested at other times, that I obviously want to avoid. And it's not always like this; some calls, especially if I am very close to the person, can be stress free.
I guess It's something that I just need to work on.

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Getting Back To It

Eleven years ago I started blogging as a form of therapy. I had just moved here to Missouri and knew no one, I mean NO ONE and more importantly, no one like me.

An L.A. to Las Vegas girl, all of a sudden plopped down in the heart of the Midwest? Yeah, you get the picture. So I started a blog to let my frustrations out. 

For the first few years it was a huge part of my life. I had made blogger friends - a few of which are still part of my life, and we shared blogger activities that I surely miss. Man-o-man, those were the days. 

But then things changed *heavy sigh* and I had to move with it. Blogger took a back burner to things like my full time job, side projects (graphic work, web page design and Tshirt making, to name a few) and even yes, Facebook until eventually, my posts and my desire to post became few and far between. 

But life is more comfortable now. The need to have ten things going at the same time isn't an issue any more and I think now, I can kick back in this chair and spew my thoughts and experiences all over the pages again, like I use to. 

So here we go. It took eleven years but I have come full circle :)

Misunderstandings

  So, Sunday afternoon I went to a small town cafe for the Buffet. It was pretty packed since it's Easter, so I knew seating could be a problem. But once inside, a waitress came forward to seat me right away.
  Cool! I thought. I don't have to wait! But then she walks me past a couple of empty tables to a dining area located in a third room, in the back of the cafe. In this very small room which had no window, was a family of 8 dining at a long table. About a foot behind one of the patrons was a tiny table and chair, where I was to sit.
  It didn't take long for me to feel really uncomfortable. I was practically seated at the same table with total strangers who all went dead silent, when I sat down. It was extremely awkward, to say the least. After the waitress left I noticed that if I were to take my coat off, I would literally clock the guy next to me in the back of the head. Yes, we were that close.
  So as I was contemplating how to get out of my coat without causing bodily harm to a stranger, the child in the group let out a blood curdling scream. The adults then turned up the volume on their conversation, to drown him out, I suppose, but soon it became maddening. Here I was, listening to private conversations while the child was having a total melt down.
  No way. I could not enjoy a meal like this.
So I got up and went walking through the cafe until I found an empty table, in the regular dining area. One which I have no idea why I wasn't seated at, to begin with.
  Just as I was digging in to my chicken breast, the family from the tiny room began to walk by to leave. If looks could kill, I would have choked on my chicken and collapsed right there.
  The last one in the family procession was an elderly woman who stopped at my table. She looked me in the eyes and said " Sorry you didn't want to eat with us. My great grandson has down syndrome and can't control his tantrums. We choose to ignore it but obviously, you couldn't".  Then she walked away.
  Well thanks for the guilt trip lady, I thought. I had no idea the child had DS; I never made eye contact with any of them and the child was not the main reason I left the room to find another table.
  So I ate my meal wishing the whole time, that I could explain to those people that I actually felt like I was encroaching on a private family gathering. Ugh.
  I wish people would take the time to see the bigger picture, before labling someone as insensitive.

Murder in apt. #35

Picture this: 

It's 3:22 am, The Debi is sleeping soundly when she is awakened to a continuous thumping sound. In semi-darkness, she turns toward the sound and she can make out her cohabiter - beating a mouse over the head with a broom. After the last thud, she shrugs her shoulders saying "okay" and turns around to go back to sleep. 

Ahhh, but this incident is not over. Suddenly, an overwhelming odor takes over her senses --- bleach! She rises and heads for the door --- fresh air - NOW! She flips on the light to see what warranted trying to kill her in her sleep, and witnesses a scene that looks like something from the movie The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Apparently the mouse 

(yes, mouse. Not <-------------"a rat this big" ------------>) 

needed to be pulverized during it's execution. Blood and mouse body parts are everywhere and it's murderer - is attempting to clean up the crime scene. 

The Debi reaches for her jar of peanut butter and a spoon and calmly scrolls thru Google News shaking her head. She is up for the night.

It-was-just-a-mouse .....

Right Under My Nose

It's funny how we sometimes never notice what is right there in our face.

On the way back from my walk from Panera's, I made a pretty cool discovery. No, it wasn't the book store, I see that all the time. THIS picture is just to show you that my apartment is the white building just ahead and - I like that red tree. (smile)

On the other side of the book store and almost across from my apartment is THIS house. Cool huh? But again no, this isn't the amazing discovery! Lol. 

I have always liked the strangeness of this house tho and now that it's vacant, I decided to take a walk behind it to maybe find a window or two to peer into, and take a looksie. Unfortunately I couldn't see much but as I went further ...

... things started to get weird. First I spot this side door hanging open. I took a picture of the inside of it but it didn't come out. It was just a small, shed-like area, full of junk. Then I saw the balcony up above. Hmmm, now that could be cool but what is that below .....

It appears to be some sort of outdoor storage area - but for what?

Then a spot of green catches my eye up ahead, so I go further ...

What the heck is that? AstroTurf? And is that cement?

As I turn back around, I notice what I've just walked thru. How the heck did I miss that? A BIGGER area of cement and Astro Turf!  Could this possibly be what I think it is? 

I dunno, but I am going to find out so - off I go thru the over-grown foliage to explore!

The following pictures MAY tell you what I found ...

                                      

An unknown animal ran past me so I ran out and headed across the street to my apt. Haha!

Once there I looked the property up on Google Maps and sure enough ...

   

It's an old abandoned miniature golf course! 

It was right there under my nose for the past 9 years and I never even noticed it! 

I couldn't help but think how cool it would be if it were a functioning business, right now. 

I probably would be there ALL the time :)

My Plant, My Friend.

Ok so soon, I'll be starting this years doorstep vegetable garden. As soon as the chance of frost passes, I'll have my tomatoes and peppers out there and ready to go. Ooooh, and I can't wait! It's so rewarding to be able to snatch a tomato or a banana pepper when you need one, fresh, from right outside your front door!

But I also want to do something in-doors so I decided to take on ... 

house pet plants!

Now in the past, I had never been any good with houseplants ... they came to my place to die a slow, agonizing death. But since I did so well with the vegetables last year, I decided to give it a whirl.

 

So far, I am roomies with 2 Pothos that actually, I got over a month ago when they were both knee high to a tennis shoe. But they survived and have grown quite a bit since they came here so I felt it safe to name them, now that the threat of their possible death is over with, lol. 

So, making their debut on Blogger, meet ... 

Sir Frasier Leafalot ...

And Niles McPlanterbritches!

And this is my newest friend, a Croton named ... 

Audrey B. Palmbottom (the B stands for bodacious :)

So tune in for the fun summer adventures of my new plant friends and see what's growing in my doorstep garden! Later!

Yes, this is what defeat looks like.

When the first piece of mail arrived just before my 50th Bday 3 years ago from AARP, I didn’t give a second thought to throwing it in the garbage. Surely they had made some sort of mistake because thanks to my tri-monthly bottle of Loreal, my hair had been nowhere NEAR gray enough to get this kind of mail not to mention, how did they know I was about to turn 50? Hmmmm ... But I guess the spies from AARP saw me do this and before I knew it, there was correspondence arriving first monthly, then weekly and even started appearing in my email inbox!

Angry, I decide to go to the site to see what they had to offer. I scanned a few pages but still didn't see anything that applied TO ME nor that impressed me, other than a free tote bag for enrolling with the letters AARP emblazoned on the front to carry proudly and tell the world "Yes! I am 50 or older and I want my senior discount!".

Well later on, I decided to get back online to surf the usual stuff that a YOUNG woman of 50 surfs; skin care, exercises for back pain, The Mayo Clinic ... (???) and I noticed everywhere I went online was displaying a Google Ad for AARP. Okay, now I’m really getting pissed. NOW they have taken over my web browsing! I had to clear my browsing history, cookies and temporary files to get rid of the AARP ads being displayed wherever I went online. By now, I’m so upset I can hardly contain myself. AT THIS POINT, I WOULD NOT HAVE JOINED AARP EVEN IF GOD HIMSELF HAD TOLD ME TOO.”

It's bad enough that I can SEE myself aging. The wrinkles, the drooping, the aches and pains ... and as a self diagnosed manifestationchondriac (this is different than a hypochondriac in that I don’t always think I’m sick but if someone told me I looked like I had cancer, I’d have it by the end of the day) I dunno ... I suppose I was worried that once I opened an envelope from AARP that I might become one of them. Sort of like those pods under the bed in The Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

Perhaps they could have started with making turning 50 a little more ... fun? Like offering free birthday cards for your FRIENDS who are over 50; they could say, “You’re really OLD!” and then when you open it up, it would say, “I’m still not there yet but YOU certainly are ... in a big ass way! Consider joining AARP!” (haha!) OR they could have offered membership cards with our names pre-printed on them but give us the option of uploading a Glamour Shot of ourselves for the card that would read, “This is what old looks like on me, bitches!”

But no. Nothing that amusing. So after 3 years of harassment BUT finding I can get $1.20 off at Pizza Inn ... a monthly news letter, the AARP magazine AND the coveted tote bag, I finally gave in. At (soon to be) 53, I am official ...

Pancake Perry visits my work.

I got this idea from my friend Misty and had a lot of fun with it. Now I'm

thinking we can go on OTHER adventures! Yeah ... maybe I'll take him

on my vacation to Alabama! He would LOVE hanging out with my sisters!

Anyhow, Perry had a blast that day at my work, as you can tell :)

Just look at the excitement on his face!
Typical guy, goes right for the sheep!

Hanging out with Elmer (bad influence I must say, we'll have to stop this!)

Playing "Where's Waldo" Perry style.

Hide and seek on the boot wall.

Again, typical guy, here ...

He was checking his email here while I did my thing ...

He wants to be a cowboy now! Ugh ...

I think lunch was on his mind at this point ...

Getting his rap on with a string tag woman! ...

Making friends in the toy section!

Goofing off with Chrissy ...

Hanging with the birds ...

Getting brushed up on Redneck Humor ...

Nobody here but us chickens! haha.

Ooooh, he found him a ride!

Hanging with Brady at the sidewalk sale ...

Time to clock out! We were BOTH excited!

MySpace Deja vu

Just saying, I really am SO annoyed with the silly animal pics with word bubbles and all the other overly passed around: causes, dumb humor, sarcastic, religious and motivational graphics I have to weed thru on Facebook. ENOUGH ALREADY! It's like MySpace all over again. Can't people just talk for themselves? Can't they see that those copy and past memes are just a reflection of driven herd behavior and unoriginality? Is it really easier to post a graphic with witty humor written by a stranger than to say something real about you and your day? Or to share a link to something INTERESTING you found on the web? Or to share a photo YOU took? Where is the uniqueness I ask you?

Do-It-Yourself Weekend

So I splurged on myself this weekend and bought myself

The Kindle Fire. Love it! But after all of the setup and the

"getting-to-know" my Fire, I realized that I neglected to

also buy a cover for it. Why does one need a cover, you

might ask? Well, a cover allows you to hold it while you're

reading, with more ease. More like when you are holding

an actual book. Some, also allow you to prop your Kindle

for when you're watching a movie.

But alas I forgot, and had to order one online (Walmart was

out, go figure since that's where I bought the Fire from).

So, I had to improvise until it gets here. In true MacGuyver

fashion (MacGuyver: A TV series revolving around Angus

MacGuyver, who's main asset was his practical application

of knowledge and inventive use of common everyday items.)

I decided to rig something up until the real one gets here.

Here's what I came up with. I grabbed one of my old books ...

I chose this one because I like the skull and crossbones on

the cover, lol.

Then I gutted it with my trusty exacto knife. Well, only up

to page 92. The rest were safe! haha. HINT: If you ever

try this yourself, glue the pages together FIRST or else,

you'll have 92 dangly pieces to glue afterwards, TWICE and

trust me, this is no fun BUT ...

Tada! My Kindle Fire now has a temporary home!

Now the NEXT thing I noticed was that I needed a stylus,

too. Why, you ask? Well I will tell you! While on Facebook,

I noticed that it was hard to type into the keypad without

goofing it all up. So I looked online for one but was amazed

at the prices! $16.00 for a fake pen? No way!

So I went searching the apt. for a pen that I could transform

into a stylus. A pen? A REAL writing instrument? Do I even

HAVE such a primitive item? Lol. Lo and behold, I found one!

And it was metal too which was perfect since a stylus needs to

conduct electricity from your body. Good job Debi! haha.

Next, I grabbed a chunk off of my my kitchen sponge. Yes, a

sponge because to carry the electricity, you need something

that can get wet. I then shoved it into the tip of the gutted pen.

TADA x 2! I have a homemade stylus, for FREE! No more

typing errors!

And since I HATE to throw anything away that even remotely

looks like it can be transformed into something else; remember

that cardboard packaging that the stylus is setting on in the

above photo? Well that was part of the inside of the box that

the Fire came in. I flipped it over and Voila! I now have a

trusty hands free movie stand!

Yep. MacGuyver would be so proud of me right now, Lol.